Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
