everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
