How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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