puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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