i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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