Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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