Sponge bath it is.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize