why didn't you poke me back
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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