Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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