Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
