porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
