Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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