i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
