Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?

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(603): Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies? http://tfl.nu/c806

Replies (6) Good night (3156) Bad night (496)
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(301): View more from Maryland

did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.

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(301): did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right. http://tfl.nu/lg5g

Replies (14) Good night (6566) Bad night (1122)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.

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(337): There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back. http://tfl.nu/dznq

Replies (6) Good night (4566) Bad night (1129)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.

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(413): Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang. http://tfl.nu/dwae

Replies (15) Good night (712) Bad night (5425)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Did I show you my penis last night?

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(307): Did I show you my penis last night? http://tfl.nu/i066

Replies (29) Good night (7005) Bad night (1191)
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(330): View more from Ohio

Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.

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(330): Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron. http://tfl.nu/yv9g

Replies (5) Good night (4104) Bad night (754)
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(618): View more from Illinois

You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.

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(618): You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/feuh

Replies (9) Good night (5180) Bad night (865)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too

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(402): He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too http://tfl.nu/2c7f

Replies (9) Good night (4321) Bad night (1021)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.

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(443): Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere. http://tfl.nu/ui38

Replies (20) Good night (1290) Bad night (3677)
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(210): View more from Texas

just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"

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(210): just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?" http://tfl.nu/ffwt

Replies (4) Good night (1818) Bad night (485)
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(210): View more from Texas

The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.

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(210): The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple. http://tfl.nu/ks4u

Replies (3) Good night (1271) Bad night (495)
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(214): View more from Texas

If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.

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(214): If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes. http://tfl.nu/n8v9

Replies (6) Good night (2224) Bad night (831)
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(727): View more from Florida

Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.

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(727): Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what. http://tfl.nu/k4ko

Replies (5) Good night (1700) Bad night (543)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.

(1-614): View more from Ohio

I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.

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(614): Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it. (1-614): I can bring a slip n slide and curtains. http://tfl.nu/1p4g

Replies (5) Good night (804) Bad night (595)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Did you drink ALL that 151??

(1-843): View more from South Carolina

No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.

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(843): Did you drink ALL that 151?? (1-843): No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable. http://tfl.nu/g9w3

Replies (4) Good night (823) Bad night (233)

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