remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Randomize
