i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough