she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
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I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.