Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.

  (972): View more from Texas

  I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.

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  (214): I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had. (972): I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/y4qf
  Replies (13) Good night (2357) Bad night (638)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"

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  (717): I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal" http://tfl.nu/9g1t
  Replies (25) Good night (5994) Bad night (606)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".

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  (304): You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces". http://tfl.nu/rjzc
  Replies (5) Good night (3951) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb

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  (503): gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb http://tfl.nu/zgfq
  Replies (24) Good night (4372) Bad night (1149)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other

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  (401): We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other http://tfl.nu/z80n
  Replies (14) Good night (1761) Bad night (4292)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me

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  (651): I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me http://tfl.nu/y5sm
  Replies (7) Good night (1296) Bad night (1607)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.

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  (850): i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today. http://tfl.nu/xq7h
  Replies (4) Good night (792) Bad night (1610)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b

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  (860): Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b http://tfl.nu/niwv
  Replies (7) Good night (1670) Bad night (2258)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..

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  (270): You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it.. http://tfl.nu/hsv3
  Replies (2) Good night (1853) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you found the shrooms didnt you

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  (484): how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time (215): you found the shrooms didnt you http://tfl.nu/rmts
  Replies (7) Good night (4352) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Wait. Someome brought slutcake?

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  (403): Christ, I really took the slutcake last night. (1-403): Wait. Someome brought slutcake? http://tfl.nu/hkv2
  Replies (9) Good night (2194) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him

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  (317): He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him http://tfl.nu/vd38
  Replies (11) Good night (1962) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  And it tastes incredible.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  And I have chest pains.

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  (708): I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee. (708): And it tastes incredible. (708): And I have chest pains. http://tfl.nu/iw1m
  Replies (6) Good night (1279) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.

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  (775): I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot. http://tfl.nu/46g7
  Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.

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  (225): Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day. http://tfl.nu/xkaq
  Replies (3) Good night (655) Bad night (291)

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