i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.