The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
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My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant