my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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