I think my fart just growled at me.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
