Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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