so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
