evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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