your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
