Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
