I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am midnight drunk by noon
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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