I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
