Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
