Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
