Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
