I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
