the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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