the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
