puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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