My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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