i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You made out with two different species that night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
