i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
