Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
