She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
