dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
