so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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