You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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