I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
