A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
