Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
