accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's blow job season.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
