he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
