you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Bring me that man meat
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
