I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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