P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
