Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
