Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
