Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
