Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
