We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
