I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
