Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
