Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
