Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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