Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
a search helicopter?!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
