I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
