This girl is more easily done than said...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
