i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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