my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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