The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
