No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
