"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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