Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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