You can't motorboat a personality
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
