Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
